


Broom Closets

by StairsWarning



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4893469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StairsWarning/pseuds/StairsWarning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mustang's squadron is assigned to finding Lt. Havoc a girlfriend. Too bad he doesn't want one. (Takes place during episode 37 of the original FMA anime series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broom Closets

Fuery-

“Go find Havoc a woman.” Mustang orders. You gasp, along with your comrades. Find Havoc a woman? Who’s type is _Havoc?_ Definitely not you- but that is totally only because you’re his friend. And not a woman. Yeah. Totally that.

But back on track, who would tolerate him? To your knowledge, only you and some of your squadmates can really tolerate him and his constant flirting and one-mindedness.

You zone out for a bit, only focusing back in when the Lieutenant Colonel bursts in, volunteering his younger sister for Havoc.

You are assigned to force Havoc to go through with this.

You sigh.

This is gonna be a long day.

Havoc-

You sigh, taking a long drag on your cigarette. Fuery’s been nagging you to quit, but you can’t really do that quite yet. Usually you don’t think about it when someone tells you it’s bad for you or it’s a gross habit, but when those words come out of Fuery’s mouth you can’t help but to take them seriously.

You sigh again, stubbing your cigarette on the ground.

Crushes suck.

You stand back up, stretching a bit before heading back inside. Maybe you could tease Fuery a bit, just to see his cute little blush.

Wait.

Did you just call a man cute?

...Yes, it seems you did.

But the word fits him, like… His round face, the chubby cheeks, the square glasses that frame his doe eyes, his bulky yet beautiful figure…

You were in it _bad._

Mustang-

“Go find Havoc a woman.” You order. They all gasp, of course they do. You just want those saps to figure out it’s not a woman he needs, but Fuery. Yeah, maybe this’ll work.

Maybe you should’ve talked to Hawkeye about this- she seems like she would be more adept with the subject of love- but this impulse decision was important. This could be the turning point.

Or not, according to the Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong, who so _graciously_ offered his younger sister to be with Havoc.

_Fuck._

__

Falman-

You’re hoping this was a mistake on the Colonel’s part, he’s gotta see how in love with Fuery Havoc is. Even though the fuck probably hasn’t felt love in probably years, he’s gotta recognize it.

A woman, who was he kidding?

In your haste to get down to Havoc to ask him about Fuery, you almost run Sheska down, afterwards apologizing profusely. In your moment of confusion, you tell her about your mission, accidentally leaving the word ‘woman’ in.

May God have mercy on your soul if it’s your fault Fuery and Havoc don’t get together.

Fuery-

You walk down the corridors, searching for Havoc to tell him about the newest “mission”.

You head outside, spotting him standing against a tree with his pack of cigarettes in hand. His head snaps up as you approach, your hand smacking the cigarettes to the ground.

“You know those’re bad for you, Havoc! You really do need to quit them.” You nag. Havoc sighs, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Oh really? And what should I put in my mouth instead?” Havoc says flirtily. Or was it flirting? You don’t know. You can never tell. Everyone says he only says stuff like this around you, but you aren’t too sure.

You huff, lifting Havoc’s arm off your shoulder. “How about just keeping your mouth shut? You really need to learn how to do that.” Havoc chuckles.

“Ha! Me? Shutting up? It’s almost like you don’t even know me.”

You gasp slightly, remembering why you came out here in the first place, dragging Havoc inside while explaining.

“Oh yeah, since Colonel Mustang ordered it, the rest of the squad is gonna try and find you a woman!” At Havoc’s shocked noise, Fuery continues. “Thankfully, Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong volunteered someone, so you won’t have to look as hard!” At this, Havoc mumbles something under his breath, the only word you catch being ‘eyes’. You ignore it, leading Havoc upstairs.

Havoc-

God _damn_ him. Does he really think you were after a woman? And _why_ would Colonel Mustang assign this weird task? And how does he not know that you’re totally head-over-heels gay for Fuery?

“All I had to do was use my damn eyes to see what’s in front of me, idiot.” you mumble as Fuery leads you upstairs, where Armstrong will, no doubt, tell you exactly what to do on his “date” with whomever he set you up with.

You arrive into the room to see Armstrong vigorously flexing at Lieutenant Heymans (the poor son of a gun), describing the strength that has been passed down for generations.

Wait.

Were you being set up with Armstrong’s sister?

_Fuck this shit._

You quickly grab Fuery, dragging his complaining ass out the door towards some corner of the building where the others won’t run into you.

Fuery-

You walk into the room to find Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong flexing at Lieutenant Heymans, his face displaying his pure fear. You chuckle a bit, suddenly feeling a pull on your sleeve. You turn to face Havoc, but you’re quickly dragged out of the room.

“H-hey! What’s wrong with you? Where’re we going?” You question. Havoc turns his face towards you, annoyance gracing his features.

“Well, you’ll find out soon enough, Kain.” Havoc’s voice deepens, making you shiver. “And I’ll be sure to take extra good care of you.” Havoc- no, Jean- turns away from you, leading you further into the building, eventually pushing you into a small broom closet.

Suddenly you feel his hands clench into your jacket and you feel his lips on yours.

For a few moments you don’t move, not knowing how to react. But as soon as you do start moving, Jean melts against you.

Mustang-

After five minutes you were worried.

After ten you were proud.

After fifteen you were just plain annoyed.

_They better not be giving each other handjobs while on the job._

You stand up from your desk, grabbing Armstrong to come with you.

“I’ll bet you 1,000 cens that they’re already partially naked.” You say to Armstrong. He chuckles.

“2,000 cens says that they’re fucking in the broom closet.” You nod, silently wagering.

You reach a broom closet with a bit more shuffling noises in it than truly necessary, so you look to Armstrong quickly before pulling the door open, exposing the two men, only their jackets off.

You ignore the blubbering apologies of Fuery, turning to Armstrong and holding out your hand to accept the 1,000 cens.

Havoc and Fuery gasp, noticing the money being given to you. You smirk, turning to the two men.

“Maybe next time you can do this on your own time.” You remark, turning to leave. “Oh and one more thing,” you pause, looking at Fuery. “The newest mission is off.” You look at Havoc. “It seems we’ve found something other than women that satisfies him.”

You march off back to your quarters, ready for alert soldiers.

Oh fuck, now that those two are together and they’re on the same squad… You simply hope they can find a secluded enough broom closet.

**Author's Note:**

> i started watching fma a while back, so of course this was the only way to truly let out some of the creativity from watching the show.


End file.
